to do list: start living

screw this. I can't spend every minute of my life wallowing in my own pity. Although it is fun and a tiny bit comforting to feel sorry for myself, it's not helping. This blog was supposed to mark my fore into my new-awesome-amazing-train taking-restaurant eating Chicago life.

Instead I've spent the last two months eating junk food, drinking past my own nagging voice's advice, staying up way too late trying to squeeze some more life out of my days, not going to work out at Curves, waking up feeling like death, and crying daily in traffic.

I even got into a confrontation at the mall- with a 10 year old boy.

Yeeps. THIS IS GETTING almost to the point of silly. So screw it. I work at my job. It's way the hell out in the burbs. I accept that. Here is my wish list to be happy, even in present circumstances, because fuck, I CAN'T SEEM TO CHANGE ANYTHING EXCEPT MY ATTITUDE.

1. I will make the most of my limited time in Chicago. (Throw parties, attend concerts, swim in Lake Michigan at least one more time before fall!!!!)

2. I will help my dh when he cooks by cleaning up the kitchen, doing dishes, and always always offering to help with whatever. Can I make rice? Can I wash the cutting board for you? That kind of thing.

3. I will not be upset with my dh or the women at Curves or friends when they give me stupid job advice, they just want to help. (FYI, I don't want to work retail, or do freelance design, or take a part time receptionist job at your company. I work full time in design, and even though it sucks major balls, I am holding out for:
A. a full time design job in the city or
B. to be laid off at my current job before I consider those options. Which might, unfortunately, happen sooner rather than later. Can you say fore-close-r?

4. I will work out three times a week at Curves, ride our exercise bike three times a week, and lose 10 pounds before the first Christmas party.

5. I will be mindful of the food and portion sizes that I consume.

6. I will listen to books on cd from the library, they make my commute go by quickly and less stressfully.

7. I will try to do my hair, makeup, and wear cute rockabilly outfits more often. It makes me generally feel more awesome about my life. And the nice comments help. But please, when I'm in the mall having a weak moment, please do not stare. You will have your head ripped off.

love,

me

ps sorry for the swears. it's who I am. oh and 8. I will look for jobs, even though I hate it more than being stared at.