ho hum

Drudgery. That's the only word I can come up with right now for my life. I feel so aimless and hopeless after all this time looking for work. Yes, I did have a mostly fabulous time in California. But the photos don't show how sick I was during the whole thing. It was one constant migraineflucoldheartburnallergyhangover. I went from pepto to beer to benadryl to more beer to tissues to spicy food to sleeping on the bathroom floor and never strayed far from a bottle of pain reliever. In fact, I used up our hosts stock of tissues and pain reliever. Sorry hosts! Thank you!

I have never had plant allergies before but out there I was miserable for the last two days of out and about in the countryside. And by countryside I mean giant hills and vineyards. Not flat cow land. It really was so so beautiful there. Our hosts (a cute couple from Macomb) both have their own motorcycles and ride every single day to work. The guy rides through Napa Valley. How cool is that? Now I have a husband who everyday is making his job here sound more gloom and doom and talking up California. I didn't think this through. I told him for the longest time that I wasn't going to move there if I'd never even visited there. Well now....

I would like living there. But my family is here. My friends are here. My life is here. You can't just give up everything and move across the country for nice weather, can you?

No, I think not. But I have no real job. And right now that fact is making me feel slightly depressed. I can't get out of bed in the mornings when I'm not trekking to my department store job. And to make matters more yucky, that department store job seems to only schedule me on the days/nights when I actually have somewhere to be. I have missed dance. And trips with friends. And Christmas. The things that still define my life without a real job. And I only work three days a week! Sheesh!

okay enough complaining. I'm going to play Sims and bury my head for awhile longer.