holiday ohh holiday, the best time of the year...

Christmas has come and gone this year without fanfare and without much joy for me and the people around me. For me, Christmas is at it's most meaningful when you add in tradition. I am always interested in friends who say, "We always go to Grandma's in Southern Illinois. We make pies and my uncle roasts a duck." I'm sitting there wondering, really? Always? Doesn't life get in the way some years? Grandma gets sick, say. Or your Uncle Carl has a new wife and goes to her house now. Or your cousin has the first grandchild and now every year is spent standing around oohhing and awwing over this alien sticking crayons in his mouth? Life goes on and you can't "always" do something. We didn't get to go to dh's side of the family for Christmas Eve like we "always" do. I had to work.

Yes folks, I worked on Christmas Eve. I helped dumb department store shoppers navigate their way to the bathrooms, or to "the place where I can take back this here giant underwear I don't want". For jebus sake people, there is a sign every few feet directing you to Customer Service. They are huge and red. They say "Holiday Return Center" with a BIG ARROW POINTING THE WAY.

And you know what? I still had a nice Christmas. My dh got a raise and a bonus. And not the jelly of the month club kind, so that is very much appreciated. He works so hard. I got to ride on a snowmobile

and attempt to go sledding on one of those old fashioned metal rail sleds. (epic and hilarious attempt.) I got a laptop and an adorable vintage dress from my hubby

that I can't wait to wear. Yes frequently my back hurts and my feet are swollen from checking people out all day. No I haven't been to Curves in weeks (that one stings a little). But it has to get better from here.

I wish everyone in my life a Happy Christmas (a la Harry Potter) and I encourage you to take stock in what you do have and appreciate it. You never know what 2011 will bring.

well it happened. I lost my job. They called me in and poof, everything dissolved. My commute, gone. My work, gone. My routine, gone. My close relationship with a coworker, gone. My financial stability, gone.

I can't decide which is the suckiest part. Probably the fact that I don't qualify for unemployment. What a giant slap in the face. Thanks, life. I guess I will go do data entry. Or wait tables or something else that will only be seasonal. Am I feeling this lonely and desperate because I am sick on top of it? Or is that just the cherry I wonder...

I wonder if any of the non design jobs will even call me back? It's true that I don't have experience sweeping floors but it's because I went to COLLEGE. Help me baby jesus. It's harder every day to even get out of bed, and I think my dh is starting to resent me being at home. I don't blame him. But I would trade any of you with a job for this empty black hole.

give us a chance

Hello friends. My life is still in turmoil. I got very very very close to my dream of a city job. And lost that chance. I did my very best and still - I was not chosen for the job.

Dh and I have been trying to apply for a $5k loan to finance a new-to-us (1996) motorcycle and have been turned down by every creditor so far. We have good scores, we pay off our accounts every month, and we recently paid off a car loan in it's entirety. But apparently our best is not good enough. No one will take a chance on us.

Hello world. We are here. We are college graduates. We aren't loafs. We aren't a drain on society. We married at 23. We rent a very nice apartment and live within our means. Give me a freaking job. Give us a freaking loan. We will pay you back. I will work hard for your company.

blah.

In other news, we are planning a few parties for the fall. One is our annual anniversary dinner slash birthday party for immediate family. It should be fun as long as I can pull my head out of the sand in time to plan something fun. I always have this dream that the family will somehow pull out instruments and sing old folk songs until the wee hours, but that hasn't happened ever. I miss singing like I miss swimming. Two things I got to do as a kid daily. Being an adult stinks in some respects. I want to hear my youngest brother sing...I really lost it seeing him in Godspell as Jesus. That first scene of Prepare Ye was my closest mother moment ever. Proud mama Eileen cried her eyes out.

My friend Kati sings beautifully, too. And I never get to hear that either. And my mom and Colum on the piano? Dad on the guitar? We could really have a hootenanny going. Really... it's all happening in my brain right now you should see it. :)

We'll probably just end up watching stupid internet cartoons as usual. Why does that always happen at parties? As if the only thing my dh and my brothers have in common is the internet. Hmmm.

Oh, what's that you say? What about the second party? Well let me tell you. Come close. Shhhh. It's a Harry Potter Party.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! I have been wanting to throw one for a few years now and the movie is coming out in November. I have plans for the living room, the bathroom, our bedroom, and the porch. Just try and stop me from going overboard with this one. Accio party!!

to do list: start living

screw this. I can't spend every minute of my life wallowing in my own pity. Although it is fun and a tiny bit comforting to feel sorry for myself, it's not helping. This blog was supposed to mark my fore into my new-awesome-amazing-train taking-restaurant eating Chicago life.

Instead I've spent the last two months eating junk food, drinking past my own nagging voice's advice, staying up way too late trying to squeeze some more life out of my days, not going to work out at Curves, waking up feeling like death, and crying daily in traffic.

I even got into a confrontation at the mall- with a 10 year old boy.

Yeeps. THIS IS GETTING almost to the point of silly. So screw it. I work at my job. It's way the hell out in the burbs. I accept that. Here is my wish list to be happy, even in present circumstances, because fuck, I CAN'T SEEM TO CHANGE ANYTHING EXCEPT MY ATTITUDE.

1. I will make the most of my limited time in Chicago. (Throw parties, attend concerts, swim in Lake Michigan at least one more time before fall!!!!)

2. I will help my dh when he cooks by cleaning up the kitchen, doing dishes, and always always offering to help with whatever. Can I make rice? Can I wash the cutting board for you? That kind of thing.

3. I will not be upset with my dh or the women at Curves or friends when they give me stupid job advice, they just want to help. (FYI, I don't want to work retail, or do freelance design, or take a part time receptionist job at your company. I work full time in design, and even though it sucks major balls, I am holding out for:
A. a full time design job in the city or
B. to be laid off at my current job before I consider those options. Which might, unfortunately, happen sooner rather than later. Can you say fore-close-r?

4. I will work out three times a week at Curves, ride our exercise bike three times a week, and lose 10 pounds before the first Christmas party.

5. I will be mindful of the food and portion sizes that I consume.

6. I will listen to books on cd from the library, they make my commute go by quickly and less stressfully.

7. I will try to do my hair, makeup, and wear cute rockabilly outfits more often. It makes me generally feel more awesome about my life. And the nice comments help. But please, when I'm in the mall having a weak moment, please do not stare. You will have your head ripped off.

love,

me

ps sorry for the swears. it's who I am. oh and 8. I will look for jobs, even though I hate it more than being stared at.

blah.

jkgfjkshfjhf. I didn't get that job. It's been two years. Two years. I've stopped caring about driving anymore. I just float home. Sometimes I pull in to a parking spot and wonder at the miracle of how I got there. The other day I had to stop and pick up groceries on my way home (because apparently my dh can't bring anything except a sandwich to work). It was a stressful commute full of people cutting me off and me really really having to pee. Two hours and I didn't stop because honestly, there are no good places to stop on my way home. I pulled into the closest and first spot I could find, loaded down with groceries. Dh came down to help me bring them in, but wouldn't stop bitching about where I had parked. The back end of the car was about two feet past the no parking sign. He really escalated the situation, telling me that I was parked in a tow zone, they would tow it immediately, and that it would cost us $600.

I just needed to be out of that damn car. I could move it after we brought in the junk and after I visited the bathroom.

We didn't speak to each other for something like three hours. That never happens.

I need a new job.

nesting with a new shelf

Things are a-brewing in my world. I might have a new job, hopefully I should hear about it today.

We were looking at moving, but that has all fallen through (good or bad, who knows). So we are staying in our lovely two bathroom, two deck, exposed brick apartment for at least another year. It has been almost two years in one spot and I like to think of it as home. Finally! :)

I love having people over to stay. I can't wait for Kati to come on Friday. DH and I both are "nesting" as you might say in this place. He wants to move around the bedroom curtain rod and do a few other things. My dream started with two glass jars. I was at the Y-Ville Community Garage sale last week and a woman was getting rid of some great primitive antique stuff. From what I overheard her saying, she was an antique dealer with way too much stuff. She had two tables full of old kitchen utensils, fabric scraps, and a white quilt with red stars that I pondered buying. But my mother-in-law makes quilts and I would not want to have one that she didn't make in the house. Scandalous. Under one of the tables was a box full of old Mason jars. I rooted out two blue ones with matching lids and noticed that the price was $1 a piece! Hells yes. I brought them home for our blue bathroom but thought they looked a little funny perched on the back of our commode. A few days later I found myself scouring the local Ace Hardware and found this glass shelf kit. It was pretty easy to put up, once DH helped me figure out how to secure the drill bit into the drill. The whole shelf kit was $13.99.

I arranged the jars with little bathroom stuff (cotton rounds and Q-tips), a few vintage postcards from Blue Orchid Studio in Y-ville (.75 each), a small tealight candle, and one of my hair flowers. I love it. Useful and pretty.





I thought the postcards went with the large map we have from dad in a sort of nonchalant vintage travel theme. What do you think?

My new blog!

Hello! This is my space to vent, create, share, and vent. Did I mention that I like to use blogging to vent? Please don't take anything I write to heart. Sometimes I just need to write it down, walk away, and forget everything I've written.

I like vintage clothes and living in the city. I will here on out refer to my husband as DH a la Indie Bride forums.